About Peace-Making
“My joy was boundless. I had learnt the true practice of law. I had learnt to find out the better side of human nature and to enter men’s hearts. I realized that the true function of a lawyer was to unite parties riven asunder. The lesson was so indelibly burnt into me that a large part of my time during the twenty years of my practice as a lawyer was occupied in bringing about private compromises of hundreds of cases. I lost nothing thereby–not even money, certainly not my soul.” M.K. Gandhi
Gandhi understood law as boundaries that nurture the cooperative dance of life. Today, lawyers’ and clients’ fears turn trial into an ego-driven, win-lose, money contest over rights. They make it a war of attrition, testing each side’s capacity to withstand fear, pain and loss. It is done both in civil trial generally and in family law.
Resolution of conflict, even trial, doesn’t require combat. Egos and a desire to hurt those not cooperating turn conflict into warfare. Yet, the conception of trial, its designed purpose and its tools disclose truth. Truth resolves conflicts.
A transformation is occurring. The earth can no longer bear resolution of human conflict through combat. As we begin to understand our interconnections with each other and the earth, we know the need to nurture life. Doing anything else causes self injury.
Gandhi uncovered and developed the conceptions of Connection, Harmlessness, Loving-Kindness and Truth-Seeking in his law practice. These form the foundation of an alternate frame of reference for understanding conflict and relationship, called Peace-Making. It discloses insights and logic, strange to warfare thinking and awareness. Peace-Making develops a source more powerful than violence. We know of Gandhi because he applied these concepts successfully in political conflicts both in South Africa and in India.
We now have separating spouses aware of their family inter-connection despite separation or divorce. They desire to harm no one, and they hope to find solutions most nurturing to all.
Peace-Making provides an alternative process to court and trial. It seeks truth, insists on harming no one, seeks the most caring way of resolving conflict or dissolving marriage. It offers the skills that create a rich full relationship from one starved of the skills of connection, partnership, equality, mutuality and respect.
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We recommend that you read Stopping the Pain next. If you are not concerned with immediate temporary separation, you may want to skip to About Mediation to learn about the kinds of mediation, how to create your mediation and how mediation works.