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The following questions can help assess parent-child relationships.

Negative perception

Do you point out your child’s mistakes?
Do you express your corrections and concerns to your child as frequently or more frequently than you appreciate your child’s accomplishments?
Do you feel that your child periodically embarrasses you, is weak, limited or has some inherent unflattering or embarrassing habits?
Does your child seem unable to focus on important things or even dangerous threats?
Do you talk “baby talk” to your child?
Does your child seem shy?
Is your child reluctant to try new things?
Does your child keep in thoughts and feelings?
Does your child have difficultly talking about emotions and prefer to change the subject?

Chronic tension

Do you worry about your child’s ability to succeed?
Do you have continuing anxiety about your child’s safety?
Are you commonly uncomfortable with your child’s behavior and comments?
Do you frequently express to your child what is bad or wrong about what she or he has done?
Do you avoid discussing significant issues with your child?
Do you tell your child euphemisms, distractions or tall tales to avoid answering the child’s questions?
Do you often begin a conversation with your child with a demand, complaint or criticism?
Does your child repeat mistakes?
Does your child lose continence at night or under pressure?
Does your child fight with other children?
Does your child get in trouble at school?

Embattlement

Do you frequently criticize your child?
Do you call your child names when you are upset?
Do you express unflattering judgments to the child or ask what is wrong with the child?
Do you make jokes that point out the child’s mistakes, limitations or shortcomings?
Do you seem to have little influence on your child?
Do you have to tell your child to do something more than twice?
Do you poke fun at your child’s ideas?
Do you have trouble getting your child’s attention?
Do you express and apologize for actions you have taken that have caused difficulty for your child?
Do you permit your child to question your decisions or argue with you?
Do you use self-deprecating humor?
Do you rarely express affection to your child?
Does your child lie about what has occurred?
Does your child refuse to acknowledge responsibility?
Does your child justify conduct or blame everything on others?
Does your child call you names?
Does your child refuse to talk about a significant event?

Power Struggle

Do you prefer to do things for your child rather than clean up the mess or wait through the delays?
Does your child rarely make suggestions or express ideas that influence family choices?
Does your child behave in ways that prevent you from doing what you had planned?
Does your child resist doing chores?
Do you hear “no” more than “yes” or “can I?”
Does it have to be your child’s way?
Does your child seem to say the opposite of whatever you have said or asked for?
Does your child wander off?

Punishment

Do you follow reprimands or corrections with a physical consequence, a lecture on why it is important to do it the right way or a time out to assure that the child remembers and obeys?
Does discipline mean consequences?
Do you give your child rewards in order to get cooperation?
Do you keep a star chart to acknowledge chores that are completed?
Have you had to occasionally spank or swat your child?

If you have more than 12 “yes” answers to these questions, you may be headed for a variety of family troubles. If you engage in all of these mistakes, you probably are reading this because of the pain and anxiety you already carry for these parental difficulties.

Please consider Relationship Transformation to build the kind of relationship you would enjoy with your child.

Contact us today and learn how Peace-Making can help you in the most important areas of your life.

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“Thank you seems hardly enough.  Peace-Making always had an answer and kept me pointed in the right direction.”

-T. Austin

     
 
 
 
 

About Peace-Making

Peace-Making Mediation is a full service family law firm serving Metropolitan Portland, Oregon in Multnomah, Clackamas and Washington Counties with three core services:  Divorce Mediation, Relationship Transformation, and full legal representation.  Peace-Making Mediation resolves all marriage and family conflicts without warfare through Relationship Transformation, through Separation and Divorce Mediation and through representing only you in Collaborative Law, in Divorce Arbitration, in collaborative divorce settlements or in Divorce Trial Without War. 

We do this by resolving custody of children, custody decision making, co-parenting, co-parenting decision making, parenting plan and parenting time, transitional spousal support, compensatory spousal support and maintenance spousal support, valuation of property, separation of premarital property and inherited property from marital property and then division of marital property.  In Relationship Transformation, without marital counseling or marital therapy, we teach you relationship skills that resolve marital conflict, identify feelings, fulfill needs, create joint decisions that mutually support both spouses and each child and that create personal happiness and family joy.

Call us today for a free divorce mediation consultation or for a relationship transformation session at (503) 228-7256.

Oregon: 5745 NE Glisan Street, Portland, Oregon 97213

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