Custody and Parenting
Custody is the authority to make legal decisions for the child. Who has custody must be determined from the perspective of the child. Who is most capable of making decisions that nurture this child’s life?
If custody is likely to be disputed you should schedule an initial consultation and be sure you understand how to provide for everyone’s safety. It costs $75 for 45 minutes of factual review and advice.
We resolve conflict by focusing on nurturing the family’s well being, yours, the children’s and your spouse’s. We have focused upon and learned about family conflict resolution since 1974. Some of what we have learned is unique, such as Peace-Making Mediation, its Truce Agreement, informal collaboration, Quick Resolution, self help arbitration and the Peace-Making course, a course in the skills of partnership that transforms relationship. For mediation, visit our Mediation section, and to learn the skills of Peace-Making, visit the Relationship Transformation section.
Legal decisions are those which enter into contracts for services on the child’s behalf, for example, what school to attend, whether to attend this church, whether to have the child ride the school bus, authorization to participate in sports, scouts or similar activities. These decisions tend to shape the child’s life.
Custodial Parent. Usually the person with the most information about the child, the person where the child lives, the person the children most rely upon for their guidance and care is the person given custody. That person tends to have the most information and understanding about the children’s needs and care. Custody does not require that the child live with you, but it customarily does.
Joint custody just means both parents have something to do with the making of the legal decisions for the child. However, emotionally people tend to have it mean they are involved as a parent in their child’s life. True joint custody occurs only where both parents can share information, discuss decision making and agree upon decisions without emotional upset and angry arguments.
You can have joint custody mean whatever you agree it means, so you can have one joint custodial parent have the right to make all legal decisions, leaving the other parent with the title “joint custodial parent” without any right to make custody decisions. When people want the title joint custodial parent but they have difficulty making decisions without arguing, we often have the person making the custodial decisions have the duty to consult and inform the other parent, so that both have input while only one actually decides.
Parenting time is the determination of the schedule and logistics allowing the child to see both parents.
Safety for Your Children. Parents fighting injures children. Divorce is the worst fighting, especially if it cannot be stopped. It robs children of their value and the safety the need to have the courage to try new things, make mistakes and learn. If you could divorce with reason and respect, if you could remain cordial business partners in the business of raising your children, the damage would stop. Using the same or similar discipline and structure for the children helps minimize the confusion created in constantly moving between houses. For help learning the skills to accomplish these things, visit our Relationship Transformation section.
For mediation of custody and parenting time see Mediation.
For more information about how to make all of the arrangements related to children, call us for an initial consultation. We charge $75 for the first 45 minutes and the information you get will help relieve many of your fears and enable you to make a plan.
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